Start Wide, Then Narrow

In the early years give your children experience in lots of different areas. Watch and discover who they are and what they’re interested in. Select some skills to promote in which you think your child’s greatest potential of success may lie. As they grow in these skills, so will their self-confidence.

Give them opportunities to say, “I’m really good at this…”

Recognize Your Child's Gifts

Recognize what your children are passionate about and what they’re gifted in. And then give them opportunities in those things.

My son loves crafts. I've got no patience for glue and glitter. I love surfing. But he’s just not interested in surfing. Not yet at least. So we started giving him opportunities to do more crafts and art, despite my urge to paste his feet to a surfboard. Now instead of making him do what I want, I'm learning to do crafts. And don't tell anyone, but I'm secretly starting to enjoy it.

Learn To Maximize Your Child’s Passions and Strengths

As I post this blog, my son is practicing the piano. I play the piano and I'm thrilled that he's learning to play as well. But there's a fine line between encouraging him to play because it will bless him and forcing him to play because it will bless me.

Your child is not your “chance to live your life over again”. They're different from you. They have a different set of gifts and passions. Avoid the temptation to force your child into your mold or your desires for them. It’s okay to work on their weaknesses, but let their primary focus be on their strengths. Their confidence will increase as they excel in their strengths.

Make The Most of Mistakes

When your child makes a mistake, try and point to the positive side.

Example: “You missed your goal, but it was good you took a risk and at least now you know what not to do next time."

You want your child to see the value and the lessons in mistakes.

Praise "Trying Again"

Encourage your children when they “try again.”

It takes a lot to try again. It's not easy to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and give it another go. This is a great feat even for most adults.

So when you see your child "trying again", then praise him or her for it. Make "trying again" a part of your child's definition for success by honoring it when you see it.

Define Success As Faithfulness and Perseverance

One of the dangers that parents face, especially fathers, is the tendency to want their children to win, or at least, not to fail. But failing is not a bad thing. Of course, failing without effort or failing and then not trying again is a bad thing. Throughout life your children will fail – how well, or how badly, they deal with it will affect their destinies.

I often tell my son, “Winning is not about “not” losing, it’s about not giving up.”

Choose Your Battles

Discern the difference between your preferences and the really harmful things that need to be addressed.

My brother once told me, "My daughter is in to rap. I can't stand it."
I asked, "Well, is it rap with explicit lyrics?"
"No," came the reply.
"Then, relax. It's just a difference of preference. If it's not harmful, then don't pick a fight unnecessarily."

Fighting over everything can break down trust. Choose your battles.

Learn To Listen and Not Just To Command

I heard someone once say that the only time his mother sat down to talk with him was to tell him what she wanted him to do or to tell him what he shouldn't have done.

Don't let that be said of you.

Take time to just listen. Learn to ask more questions, then shut up and listen. This will build trust between you and your children more than you realize.

Respond Appropriately To Their “Treasures”

When they bring you treasures that they’ve found – old coins, bottle caps, paper clips – respond with equal excitement. They're sharing their hearts with you by entrusting you with their treasures. Your response will determine if they continue, in the future, to trust you with their treasures or not.

As they grow older, their treasures become their relationships, struggles, fears and more. If you’re not trustworthy early on, then they’ll hide those things from you.

Do Not Lie

Do not lie – not to your kids, not to anyone. But especially don't lie to others when your children are watching. You must not teach them to have a double standard. “White” lies are lies. Parents will tell “white” lies in front of their children, and then wonder, when the teenage years come, why their children lie to them.

As the author, Robert Fulghum once said, “Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”

Demonstrate That You Can Be Trusted

The ability to trust others affects every person’s destiny. And to know when someone is trustworthy is another indispensable ability.

If someone can’t trust, then every relationship they have will be flawed from the beginning with suspicion and self-fulfilling prophecy and the potential of their relationships breaking increases.

We must not only teach our children to trust, but also demonstrate what trustworthiness means?

Give Them Opportunities To Perform For You

For my birthday this year, Megan asked me what I wanted. I said all I wanted was for my children to put on a play. They did. They created it, everyone had a part, they performed it, and I recorded the whole thing on video. What a Birthday gift! What a memory!

Kids love to perform for their parents. What parent hasn't heard this before, "Look at me! Look at me!"?

The next time they do that, make a big deal about it. Go overboard with praise. But also give them a bit of encouragement to perform for you. Do they enjoy magic tricks? Tell them you'd like to see some magic tricks. Maybe encourage them to put on a magic show. Do they like to dance? Have a dance evening. And then make sure you're on the front row, ready to video the whole thing and brag about it to your friends.

Learn To Laugh

Learn to laugh with your children.

Every kid wants a family who knows how to laugh.

Joy brings strength.

Here are some tips:

If they tell a joke or do something intentionally funny, then be the first to laugh. They need to know that you enjoy them.

Tell them jokes yourself. Sometimes after dinner or breakfast, while we're still sitting at the table, I’ll tell the kids a joke or two – knock knock jokes, corny jokes, anything I can think of. Often they want me to repeat their favorites. I get most of them from the Internet. I'll google a joke site, then memorize a few and save them for dinner time.

Now I know that when your kids get older they won't appreciate the corny jokes like they used to. Well, you might need to readjust your jokes, but don't stop laughing. Find out what makes them smile and show them that you still know how to laugh together.

Create Fun Traditions

If you've recently joined our parenting blog, then let me catch you up to speed.

We've been looking at how to cultivate a family identity. What sets our family apart from other families? What makes us special? What makes our kids think, "Wow! I'm glad to be a part of this family"? Let me give you this week's tip:

Create fun traditions.

In our family, we have a family night once a month. We’ll let the children stay up late, we’ll make popcorn, eat chocolate and watch a movie together or play a game. My kids love these times. They cuddle up in our arms and cherish every second. I can assure you that they'll never forget the way they felt on 'family night'.

Why not have a family night this week? Or plan one for this month. If not a family night, then think of a fun tradition that you can start with your family.

Talk It Up!

One way you can cultivate a family identity is to to talk about how great your family is with your kids.

Brag on your family.

Let your children know that you really love the family and think it’s so much fun. If Dad or Mom think the family is fantastic, then the kids will believe it too.

I'll sometimes shout out, “Who loves this family?! If you love this family, then raise your hand!" All of us throw our hands in the air…mine are the first to fly up. I'll regularly declare, "We have the best family in the world." I truly believe it, and I think our kids do too.

Cultivate A Family Identity

Do you have a family identity? What makes your family unique? What draws your children to you? Do you have fun traditions or silly songs or inside jokes you share?

It’s important that your children think, “I love my family.” Help your children to value their family. As they grow older, their family identity will keep them from ditching their values.

Introduction

Welcome to the Privilege of Parenting blog. This is our first entry. Starting from next week, expect to see an entry in your inbox every Monday morning.

John Wilmont once said, "Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories."

How many of us can relate to that? Megan and I had so many theories and ideas on parenting, but when we actually held our first baby in our arms we suddenly realized that it wasn't as easy as we thought. Parenting is a hard task. But it's also a great privilege. Although it can often be frustrating and difficult, I wouldn't change it for the world. My four children have enriched my life far more than I could ever have imagined. The moment they were born, my life got better. But that's from my point of view. I wonder if at the end of my children's lives they will say the same thing, "The moment I was born, my life got better...and better." I hope so. But to a large extent that depends on me (and their mother).

Parenting is one of the most important parts of life, yet few study it. We study leadership through books and seminars, careers through university, but when it comes to parenting we somehow expect it to come naturally. It will take hard work on your part and a resolve to not simply parent from your impulses, but train to become the best parent you can be.

Throughout this blog we’ll use personal examples. We hope they’ll serve you well, but what we don’t want to communicate is that we are the perfect mom and dad with all the answers. We’re not. We're just like you. We’re still learning. But that’s what makes a great parent – the desire and determination to get better and better. And in so doing, to make our children's lives better and better.

For this weekend. Take a moment to think about your child (or children). Write down a few things that you really love about them. You can just scribble them down on a pad. And then have a tender moment with each and show them what you wrote. Make them feel special...because they are!