Everything You Say Matters

Be aware of everything you say; does it build or tear down?

A simple definition of “encourage” is “to put courage in.” “Discourage” means “to take away courage.”

Look for opportunities to encourage, especially if your children are obviously discouraged or vulnerable for some reason.

Even right now, think of a way you can encourage your child today. Then go and do it!

Communicate Encouragement with Your Face

Communicate encouragement with your face and your expressions.

When Drew was bathing our children one night our daughter asked him, “Dad what’s wrong with your face?” He realized he had been thinking about work, and his face was twisted and worried. She thought she had done something wrong. It’s the same with me. If I’m stressed or frustrated it’s often worn on my face. Our kids notice and it affects them.

Five Ways To Love Your Child

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” ~Elizabeth Stone

As a parent, you understand this feeling. So often I stand over the beds of my sleeping children and feel my heart aching with love as I look at their precious faces.

But more than feeling love for our children, we have to show it to them. This is one of the most fundamental and important aspects of parenting. You can’t assume that they know they are loved – they can’t see you standing over them while they sleep – you have to demonstrate regularly.

Five ways you can do that:

1. Become Your Child's Primary Encourager
2. Give Regular Physical Attention
3. Have Quality Time With Your Child
4. When You're With Your Kids, BE With Your Kids
5. Demonstrate Unconditional Love

We're going to look closer at each one of these five ways to love your children over the next few months. The one thing your children should never have to experience is doubt as to whether or not you really love them.

Good Character

The 1950’s author, Elmer G. Letterman said a statement that holds true for all time, “Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.”

The integrity and character of your children will have a direct impact on their success. They may reach the top, but only good character will keep them there.

Teach Them to Reconcile With Each Other

Teach them to reconcile with each other and with other relationships they have.

If one of our children has wronged the other, then they must learn to say sorry and take responsibility. And then the other child must learn to forgive. We do not let hurts get swept under the carpet or just move on from them. We try and deal with them head on and walk our children through it. We insist that they use the words, "Will you forgive me." Then the person must reply, "I forgive you." You'll be surprised just how powerful those words are. (Note: Insisting that your children ask forgiveness from those whom they’ve wronged is better than just having them say sorry. Asking forgiveness requires a response, which enables your child to feel the weight of his bad behaviour more.)

Another part of this is learning to make restitution. If the children break someone else’s toy, then they must buy another and replace it. They must make it right. Sometimes saying sorry is only part of the solution. Sometimes they need to right the wrong they have done.

Extend Grace and Forgiveness

Forgive your children when they wrong you or make a mistake. Again we’re still focusing on our example as parents. Our children will inevitably make mistakes and say things that hurt us as well. We must model an attitude of grace and forgiveness. It doesn’t mean we approve of the behaviour, but we extend grace to the person. As we extend grace and forgiveness to them they will learn to extend it to others.

My six-year-old daughter once said to me, "Mom, you don't know anything." Those words really hurt my heart. We spent some time talking about it. She cried. I cried. But I forgave her and we both learned something about ‘working things out’.

Learn To Say Sorry

If you make a mistake as a parent admit your mistake and ask forgiveness from your children. Learn to say, “Sorry!” and “Will you forgive me?” As parents, it’s hard to admit our weaknesses, especially to our children. But it will speak powerfully to our children.

I am often saying sorry to our children. If I’m grumpy or speaking harshly because I’m having “one of those days” sometimes I just stop and say,” Mommy is grumpy today but it is no excuse for her to speak harshly. I’m so sorry I’ve been doing that. Will you forgive me?” And they do.

Children are very gracious. We cannot expect them to say sorry to others if we cannot say sorry to them. As someone once said, “Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.”