Encourage and Praise Good Behavior

Encourage and praise good behavior. As parents we’re quick to see the negatives in our children. Work on noticing the positives. If I see one of my children help one of the younger ones, or talking nicely or even just sharing a toy willingly, I pull them aside and praise them and thank them for how kindly they’ve acted.

Our number three, can sometimes be a challenge. I think it is the ‘middle child syndrome’. I have to make sure I make an effort to encourage her because I feel like I am often correcting her. You may need to make an intentional effort to look for opportunities to praise the good behavior of a child who is particularly difficult.

My mother-in-law also has a story she tells about Drew. He used to use negative behaviour to secure his mother’s attention. But she started focusing on his good behaviour and Drew learned that good behaviour gets more attention. When he would throw a tantrum on the floor, she would simply walk away and ignore him. Eventually he'd realize that it wasn't working. But when he did something positive she would go overboard with praises. He soon figured out that good behavior is much more rewarding.

Reward Positive Behavior

It’s often easy to focus on punishing bad behavior but a great way to motivate our children is to reward good behavior.

Idea #1: Set up an awards system in your house.

We do this for chores. Our children all have chores to do in the morning before we begin our day. If they do their chores without me telling them to or nagging them about it, then they get a ticket that is kept in a jar with their name on it. Another way they can earn a ticket is if I see them do something really helpful around the house without me asking them to do it. At the end of the week we have a buying day. I have a small container with little toys and treasures in it that they get to purchase with their tickets.

Our children also take piano lessons. If they practice four days in a row then they get a chocolate bar. We have a chart and stickers to monitor this.

You may want think of other creative ways in which you can reward positive behavior.

Teach Them to Respect Nature

Teach them to respect nature. Much of teaching respect is also teaching them to take responsibility for their actions and their world around them. Nature is there for us to enjoy its beauty and for others' enjoyment as well.

Therefore we do not throw rubbish out the window of our car or trample flowerbeds. We protect it and keep it clean for our benefit and for the benefit of those around us.

When our children throw rubbish on the ground, we insist that they pick it up and put it in a bin, and then we explain the importance of caring for nature.

Teach Them to Respect Property

Teach them to respect property. We teach our children that people are of value and therefore we must treat them that way. But that also goes for their property because property belongs to people.

In our family we are fairly relaxed in letting our children play all over our house. But they’re not allowed to just break things or play in such a way that will damage something in the house. We try and take that value to other people’s houses as well. We don’t allow them to climb all over the furniture and throw balls at windows. They must know the boundaries and respect them. If something is damaged because they did not respect it, then we will insist that they take responsibility by replacing it or fixing it.

Talk about this with your children and make sure you explain why property is important - because people are important and we must respect them and what belongs to them.

Teach Them to Respect People of Age

Teach them to respect people of age.

I remember when I was younger we never called any adult by their first name. It was always Mr. Smith and Mrs. Ronald. Over the years, I’ve lost a bit of this value. When we lived in Pietermaritzburg we had two Zulu men that lived with us. They were horrified when our children kept calling all the adults who came to visit by their first names! Since then we have worked harder at this.

There is something in respecting those who have gone before us. We try and encourage our children to greet adults with a handshake and call them uncle or auntie. We also try to make them aware of elderly people and to learn to give up their seat in a public place for them. This helps our children to learn to be aware of others and also to think outside of themselves.

Are You Respectful?

Be aware of how you speak to your spouse and your children. Are you respectful? Are you, as a parent, building a culture of respect in your home? When your children disrespect you or others, self-examine yourself. Have they learned it from you? Children often mirror what we say and how we behave.

The other day my six-year-old daughter said to her sisters, “Get over here right now!” I realized that she was saying what I normally say and in the same harsh tone that I often use.

Teach Them to Respect Their Parents and Siblings

Teach your children to respect you (their parents) and other family members in the home. This will be the foundation to teaching them to respect other people. If it is not happening in the home it is unlikely to happen outside of the home.

We have a respect policy in our house. Our children are expected to respect us and what we say, to respect their siblings by the way they speak to them and treat them, and to respect others that enter our house by the way they act and greet them.

For instance, our children have to stop and listen when we’re talking to them and then they have to respond with a “Yes Dad” or “Yes Mom.” They have to make eye contact with us. And we insist on a verbal response to our requests or discussions.

If people come over for a visit, they must greet them properly - complete with a handshake and a "nice to meet you."