The 1950’s author, Elmer G. Letterman said a statement that holds true for all time, “Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.”
The integrity and character of your children will have a direct impact on their success. They may reach the top, but only good character will keep them there.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Teach Them to Reconcile With Each Other
Teach them to reconcile with each other and with other relationships they have.
If one of our children has wronged the other, then they must learn to say sorry and take responsibility. And then the other child must learn to forgive. We do not let hurts get swept under the carpet or just move on from them. We try and deal with them head on and walk our children through it. We insist that they use the words, "Will you forgive me." Then the person must reply, "I forgive you." You'll be surprised just how powerful those words are. (Note: Insisting that your children ask forgiveness from those whom they’ve wronged is better than just having them say sorry. Asking forgiveness requires a response, which enables your child to feel the weight of his bad behaviour more.)
Another part of this is learning to make restitution. If the children break someone else’s toy, then they must buy another and replace it. They must make it right. Sometimes saying sorry is only part of the solution. Sometimes they need to right the wrong they have done.
If one of our children has wronged the other, then they must learn to say sorry and take responsibility. And then the other child must learn to forgive. We do not let hurts get swept under the carpet or just move on from them. We try and deal with them head on and walk our children through it. We insist that they use the words, "Will you forgive me." Then the person must reply, "I forgive you." You'll be surprised just how powerful those words are. (Note: Insisting that your children ask forgiveness from those whom they’ve wronged is better than just having them say sorry. Asking forgiveness requires a response, which enables your child to feel the weight of his bad behaviour more.)
Another part of this is learning to make restitution. If the children break someone else’s toy, then they must buy another and replace it. They must make it right. Sometimes saying sorry is only part of the solution. Sometimes they need to right the wrong they have done.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Extend Grace and Forgiveness
Forgive your children when they wrong you or make a mistake. Again we’re still focusing on our example as parents. Our children will inevitably make mistakes and say things that hurt us as well. We must model an attitude of grace and forgiveness. It doesn’t mean we approve of the behaviour, but we extend grace to the person. As we extend grace and forgiveness to them they will learn to extend it to others.
My six-year-old daughter once said to me, "Mom, you don't know anything." Those words really hurt my heart. We spent some time talking about it. She cried. I cried. But I forgave her and we both learned something about ‘working things out’.
My six-year-old daughter once said to me, "Mom, you don't know anything." Those words really hurt my heart. We spent some time talking about it. She cried. I cried. But I forgave her and we both learned something about ‘working things out’.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Learn To Say Sorry
If you make a mistake as a parent admit your mistake and ask forgiveness from your children. Learn to say, “Sorry!” and “Will you forgive me?” As parents, it’s hard to admit our weaknesses, especially to our children. But it will speak powerfully to our children.
I am often saying sorry to our children. If I’m grumpy or speaking harshly because I’m having “one of those days” sometimes I just stop and say,” Mommy is grumpy today but it is no excuse for her to speak harshly. I’m so sorry I’ve been doing that. Will you forgive me?” And they do.
Children are very gracious. We cannot expect them to say sorry to others if we cannot say sorry to them. As someone once said, “Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.”
I am often saying sorry to our children. If I’m grumpy or speaking harshly because I’m having “one of those days” sometimes I just stop and say,” Mommy is grumpy today but it is no excuse for her to speak harshly. I’m so sorry I’ve been doing that. Will you forgive me?” And they do.
Children are very gracious. We cannot expect them to say sorry to others if we cannot say sorry to them. As someone once said, “Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.”
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Encourage and Praise Good Behavior
Encourage and praise good behavior. As parents we’re quick to see the negatives in our children. Work on noticing the positives. If I see one of my children help one of the younger ones, or talking nicely or even just sharing a toy willingly, I pull them aside and praise them and thank them for how kindly they’ve acted.
Our number three, can sometimes be a challenge. I think it is the ‘middle child syndrome’. I have to make sure I make an effort to encourage her because I feel like I am often correcting her. You may need to make an intentional effort to look for opportunities to praise the good behavior of a child who is particularly difficult.
My mother-in-law also has a story she tells about Drew. He used to use negative behaviour to secure his mother’s attention. But she started focusing on his good behaviour and Drew learned that good behaviour gets more attention. When he would throw a tantrum on the floor, she would simply walk away and ignore him. Eventually he'd realize that it wasn't working. But when he did something positive she would go overboard with praises. He soon figured out that good behavior is much more rewarding.
Our number three, can sometimes be a challenge. I think it is the ‘middle child syndrome’. I have to make sure I make an effort to encourage her because I feel like I am often correcting her. You may need to make an intentional effort to look for opportunities to praise the good behavior of a child who is particularly difficult.
My mother-in-law also has a story she tells about Drew. He used to use negative behaviour to secure his mother’s attention. But she started focusing on his good behaviour and Drew learned that good behaviour gets more attention. When he would throw a tantrum on the floor, she would simply walk away and ignore him. Eventually he'd realize that it wasn't working. But when he did something positive she would go overboard with praises. He soon figured out that good behavior is much more rewarding.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Reward Positive Behavior
It’s often easy to focus on punishing bad behavior but a great way to motivate our children is to reward good behavior.
Idea #1: Set up an awards system in your house.
We do this for chores. Our children all have chores to do in the morning before we begin our day. If they do their chores without me telling them to or nagging them about it, then they get a ticket that is kept in a jar with their name on it. Another way they can earn a ticket is if I see them do something really helpful around the house without me asking them to do it. At the end of the week we have a buying day. I have a small container with little toys and treasures in it that they get to purchase with their tickets.
Our children also take piano lessons. If they practice four days in a row then they get a chocolate bar. We have a chart and stickers to monitor this.
You may want think of other creative ways in which you can reward positive behavior.
Idea #1: Set up an awards system in your house.
We do this for chores. Our children all have chores to do in the morning before we begin our day. If they do their chores without me telling them to or nagging them about it, then they get a ticket that is kept in a jar with their name on it. Another way they can earn a ticket is if I see them do something really helpful around the house without me asking them to do it. At the end of the week we have a buying day. I have a small container with little toys and treasures in it that they get to purchase with their tickets.
Our children also take piano lessons. If they practice four days in a row then they get a chocolate bar. We have a chart and stickers to monitor this.
You may want think of other creative ways in which you can reward positive behavior.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Teach Them to Respect Nature
Teach them to respect nature. Much of teaching respect is also teaching them to take responsibility for their actions and their world around them. Nature is there for us to enjoy its beauty and for others' enjoyment as well.
Therefore we do not throw rubbish out the window of our car or trample flowerbeds. We protect it and keep it clean for our benefit and for the benefit of those around us.
When our children throw rubbish on the ground, we insist that they pick it up and put it in a bin, and then we explain the importance of caring for nature.
Therefore we do not throw rubbish out the window of our car or trample flowerbeds. We protect it and keep it clean for our benefit and for the benefit of those around us.
When our children throw rubbish on the ground, we insist that they pick it up and put it in a bin, and then we explain the importance of caring for nature.
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